Personal Boundaries

As an only child, I was raised to be an overachiever. My parents only had me, so they always put all their high hopes on their only little daughter. Of course, they always meant well, but the way I was raised made me a people-pleaser because I always needed to be the best in everything and with everyone.

I grew up to deal with the world as an external validation source. I always needed to be friendly with everyone and prioritize everyone's needs above mine, even when it was affecting me and causing me problems. The fact that I did not have any sisters or brothers always put me in a position where I needed my friends to like me no matter what because I did not have anyone else.

It took me years to realize that I needed to come first and that not everyone around me deserves the same treatment. Being a people-pleaser is not something that you can quickly get rid of. It takes years of learning how to get your validation from within, how to let go of toxic relationships, and how to realize that you have the right to say NO. Being kind is fantastic and can be a desirable trait. However, being kind to yourself is essential to loving others ideally.

In this post, I will discuss some tips on how to try and become less of a people-pleaser and set your own personal boundaries:

Self-awareness

• Ask yourself questions and answer them honestly. If you find yourself doing something for someone else, ask yourself if it makes you feel good or affects your inner peace.

• We all compromise for the people we love, but we must ensure that when we do that, we do it for the right reasons. Before comprising, ask yourself if you are doing that because the other person won't compromise and you are scared of losing them or because you think it's something you can tolerate and would be okay with.

• Evaluate the relationship. Think back to different situations and check if you are always the one who is making an effort to keep this relationship and tip-toeing around that person so they don't leave.

• Understand the reasons behind your people-pleasing tendencies. Are you seeking validation, avoiding conflict, or fearing rejection?

Prioritize self-care.

Develop self-confidence.

Understand that you cannot please everyone.

Learn to handle and accept criticism.

Be assertive.

Surround yourself with supportive people.

Remember, breaking old habits is not easy. Ensure you don't punish yourself if you realize you are still doing things the old way. Growth is not a straight-line process; it has its ups and downs. Change takes time, and failure teaches us important lessons. As long as you are not giving up on yourself and constantly working on learning and improving, then you are GOLD! Allow yourself time to feel everything, and sometimes even have a break and be lazy. It is okay if sometimes you have no energy to change things, but always pull yourself out of this after adequate healing.