What's Next?

I have been sick for a couple of days, and I have been feeling down. Although I passed my makeup test, I still do not know what I want to do with my life.

It isn't clear how some people know exactly what they want since they're kids. How many people did you meet who knew what they wanted to be since they were like 13 years old or something? For me, this is impressive and scary. It is scary because I do not think I ever had something that I wanted very badly.

I am almost 30 years old (another horror story I might talk about in a separate post), and I still do not know what I want or am good at. Sometimes I feel like I am good for nothing and a huge loser.

I know that a big part of me does not take the initiative because the idea of being a loser is too scary. However, not doing anything is also giving me the same feeling! It may be time to have some courage.

I want to go through life with passion and something exciting. At this point, the lack of excitement and passion is killing my soul and me. I used to have so many dreams and ambitions, although I never had specific ones. Well, I have wanted to be an actress for the longest time ever, but how realistic is that, and what are the chances of me making it and becoming a big star? That is the problem, overthinking. Instead of doing, I think; when I think, I get scared. It is a cycle that needs to be broken as soon as possible.